I can remember watching Laguna beach in high school. It wasn’t the show that caught my attention but the way the producers could always find the exact song that would stir the emotions in people’s hearts. If there was heartache, celebration, relationships, and break ups, they always seemed to find the perfect lyrics to express what words couldn’t.
( I have a chuckle to myself because I can’t believe I am using that as an analogy. Whether the show is scripted or not isn’t the point.)
I believe I have a lot of the moments. Moments of such an awareness that even me, a person of words, have none. It’s like opening your mouth to speak and nothing comes out. And even though speech might be lacking to articulate what is going on inside of you, a song seems to encompass every passing emotion you have. I think certain songs have a way of translating ten or more feelings within the five minute framework of a recording. I think our hearts, in specific seasons of life, can feel the same thing. Therefore when parallels are made between the state of our hearts and a specific song, it gives you freedom to feel all over the place. We don’t want to be inconsistent in our feelings and responses and yet our hearts still connect with the music.
And so I get in the car and drive. It’s one of the moments. I look in the rear view and see everything familiar and everything known. And I am thankful for the car journey. I am thankful for this time of contemplation and being all over the place. I am thankful that I have a God that knows me, everything about me, and sits with me in my confusion and remains constant and eager to be with me. There isn’t a need for answers, only His presence. ( Adam Cappa- Washed over me playing loudly in the background, I keep hitting the the back button when it finishes)
I am reminded of a story I heard a few years ago about a man listening to this loud banging on the wall. He rushes to see what it is only to find his four years old son trying to scooter into the wall. He says to his dad, “If only this wall would move, then I could keep scootering.” The wall was there for a reason and yet this little guy was eager to break through it and keep moving. He didn’t want to go around it. He wanted it to be removed completely.
Then I think of the walls that I hit in my own life. Walls that are usually made up up of my limited perspective. God is trying to break through and desires for me to understand a certain truth, to bring me into a place of further freedom and understanding in Him. Often I feel the pull to go around it or ignore it all together.It’s too painful to address. And still, it doesn’t take very long for me to get back to the wall. I choose to be stale and stagnant if I don’t allow God to smash through it. I don’t want to be stale. I want to be alive, I want to be on fire, I want to burn for Him. And yet I know in saying that, my walls, my perspective will constantly be getting smashed to pieces. The more I encounter Him, the more I realize how much I don’t actually know, of how I am not in control of anything anymore, even if I wanted to be.
I was confronted in my daily devotional this past week with this statement. ” Do not limit me.” ( I think God says this to me a lot) I limit myself when I stay within the confines of my own worldview rather than trying to press into a more kingdom understanding. One is centered on my interpretation of life. The other is centered around Christ.
When considering these walls, these things that are presented to us that will break us to make us more into the people we are suppose to be, lets be able to say that we know a God who knows no limits. Let’s not just say it, but a people who stand on it. Smash to pieces our limited perspectives, knock down our walls, enabling you God to take up residence in our hearts more fully.
No words could come out. To listen was more the priority.For this is what the car journey was all about in the end.