We all make plans. We make plans for our lives. We have a rough timeline of what will happen whether its school, marriage, children, and ministry and just in general…..life. Making a plan isn’t a bad thing. Most of the time it is a good thing. It says that we are prepared, we have goals, we have an aim, a purpose, an endpoint. It basically says that we are headed somewhere. A lot of the time we all make these plans and kind of guess where God is in them or where we choose to put Him. We invite Him into our life plans. More often than not, I find that God has this way of interrupting our plans forcing us to reconsider what we are doing and why we are doing it.
God is the inventor of the master-plan for this entire planet and also inventor of this little thing called my life. He was here long before me and will continue to be working long after I’m gone and this simple truth humbles me. Often I think I’m the clever one coming up with new ideas of trying to change the world and I come to find that there is nothing new under the sun and I think God has a little chuckle at me. It’s funny when I try to fit God into my plan. When it all comes shattering down, stripping away everything, I am somehow shocked or surprised. He’s the creator of the story and not me.
Two perspectives here that often I stand in the tension of. Of wanting to be in control of my own life or allowing God to be in control. I think it comes down to something that simple. I either do this or I don’t. I know I struggle and strive when I’m in control. To pull things off, to make things happen. And with this I find myself exhausted and never at peace. I can live with uncertainty but not without peace. Being in control makes me needy, it makes me grab at things that won’t ever bring hope that I so desperately want. Things just get messy.
But when Gods in control, when we allow Him to be…….what a contrast. Its trust, adventure, excitement, unknown, change, our perspectives are challenged and often grow but we realize how desperate God wants to be involved in our lives. That He is actively pursuing us, actively pursuing me. We learn truths that we would never learn being in the driver’s seat. I’m so desperate to live in this way. I think its in my DNA, I have been created for this. Knowing all that why is there the element of compromise? Yes I know we are all humans and we are naturally control freaks, but to know that God is so desperately wanting to do some crazy stuff in and through us? That He wants to change the world through us, through me. Why the settling then? I have to remind myself that I’m on a journey and this is something that I will always be trying to understand and work out. Surrender.
It says in proverbs, in the message that “Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word.” I’m done with planning, I’m definitely all about the surrender.
I have been reading this book and something has stuck out and challenged me beyond anything.
“Has God ever called you to throw something down? Something in which you put your identity and security in? It’s awfully hard to let go, isn’t it? It feels like you are jeopardizing your future. And it feels like you could lose what is most important to you. But that is when you discover who you really are” God asked Moses to throw down his staff and pick it up again. He went from a shepherd to a leader of a nation.”
This is the journey that I have been on in the last month. Looking at my life, my plans, the things that define me and I believe God is asking me to throw them down. Completely. To surrender all the labels of life, youthworker, missionary, whatever…..and throw them down and go back to the basics of who I am and also why I do what I do. This is so important, looking at my hearts motivation for things and doing a clean out. I have a feeling there will be some pain but also some new life. What all this means is
I’m headed back to America, back to Florida to regroup. I have been serving in England for nearly four years and have a massive heart for this country and the youth of this nation. I am called here, I know that. But for me to be effective in long term ministry, time and space is needed. I plan on returning in 6 months or so in a more refreshed and revived state. Youth work is it, I am ruined for anything else.
A new place- a new place= a new perspective. I can’t wait to see what God does. It’s a bittersweet feeling but I know this is the right thing, I have peace, and God has put everything in place in order for me to do this and I am learning so much.